I’ve had a hard time with birthdays, mine most specifically. Sometimes I forget when they are, don’t know if I should get someone something, can’t afford to get someone something, afraid they won’t like what I get them, etc. Typical stuff. But my birthday… I don’t think I’ve been excited about my birthday in a very long time, maybe even 10 years now. The past few years have been understandable, I think, but before that… I dunno. I became very cynical and jaded, and hated my birthday. I had very mixed feelings about it, alternately wishing no one would remember, and really wishing people would remember and make it awesome. Last year I started seriously thinking about birthdays. It bugged me that people would be all “It’s my birthday next week! Don’t forget!” but I can’t really say why that bugged me. Maybe because, heaven forbid I forget their birthday, when they never did anything for mine?
But it turns out that people like to be reminded. I guess not everyone keeps a log of whose birthday or anniversary is when, like my husband’s mom. I have birthday reminders through my email to help me remember. I don’t feel like people should remind others when their birthday is, it just feels wrong. Why should I tell people who have known me for over a decade when my birthday is? And so I stopped telling people happy birthday (except for the best people in my life) and hid my birthday from any social media. I think maybe a couple people remembered. I went through a long process of working it out and I think I have finally found the other side.
Because now, I am happy about my birthday. I feel no harsh feelings for it, I enjoyed a nice peaceful (well, as peaceful as two teething babies can give) dinner with just family at my favorite restaurant. I’m not expecting many people to remember, I’m not expecting gifts, although I have received $50. My mom is taking me out and that will help with gas and food and maybe something else. We’ll see. My husband is expecting me to have $100 from our bank account, but I’ve not told him yet that we have maybe just $30 in the bank to last us the rest of the month. Eh, we’ll make do, we always do ^.^