My first hate mail

I was discussing autism with a group of moms because one lady’s friend just got her daughter diagnosed and was seeking information. Another mom posted a lot of links, some of which seek a “cure” for autism. A few of us commented on how autism is how the brain develops and the only cure is to change the brain. One woman, Amy, started in on us about how it happened to be so coincidental that pro-vaxers claim autism can’t be cured because you’re born with it. I posted a few links to research showing how they’ve discovered autism starts in the womb and then I got this private message.

ScreenHunter_44 Oct. 02 19.06_2

It’s my first hate mail, and I didn’t even really do anything. Amy blocked a few other people, too, so it’s not like I’m special, but it’s amazing the level of hatred she had for us just because we said autism is something you’re born with and can’t be “cured.” If you get cured of it, then it wasn’t autism in the first place. Or they somehow changed the makeup of your brain. From what I could tell, Amy wouldn’t even answer if she was an autism mom or anything. Since she blocked me, I could only see another person keep asking her if her child is autistic. I don’t know why she was so upset and obsessed with it. All I know is that I was born this way, as was my brother, as were my children, and everyone else in my family, and a multitude of other people out there.

I can’t stand it when people keep promoting misinformation, especially when some of it can be very damaging to people. Being made to feel like you aren’t worth anything just because of how you are, being told you are diseased or injured and having people try to change you… Bullied, mocked, picked on… It doesn’t even matter if you’re autistic or not…


13 thoughts on “My first hate mail

  1. Just a Little Background Noise

    Don’t you dare take it personaly. This person doesn’t know you; this person is reacting to your position, a statement, a point of view. This is a person who cannot cope with a position, a statement, or a point of view they do not like and has no recourse but to attack you and not your position, statement or point of view. It’s called an Ad Hominem attack. Don’t you dare take it personally.

    1. Joan Post author

      Thank you 🙂 She apparently did this to a lot of people and ended up getting booted out of the group. I think I feel pity for her now, that just sounds like a miserable life :/

  2. kinneret

    People are crazy about this subject (and other subjects). So many people are too suspicious of modern medicine and they think they can control everything, also. Sometimes I think it’s because they don’t believe in God because if they did, they would see we can’t control everything. We can’t. I just thank God for as much modern medicine as we have since it has helped a lot of things, like stopping my child’s epileptic seizures. As far as I understand, vaccines are given at the same time that a lot of autism presents, (but maybe you have found it presents earlier, just undetected), but coincidence is not the same as causation. I guess I could see though that children maybe more susceptible to autism, could it be triggered or further harmed by vaccines, especially intense amounts? Maybe?

    1. Joan Post author

      I think there are various reasons for autism. For me, it’s genetic. My entire family is “weird.” We didn’t even realize we were on the spectrum until maybe 2002? I didn’t find out until shortly before I started this blog and it was like, Oh, that makes a lot more sense now!
      Having my eldest (and probably my youngest) be on the spectrum, it’s not easy to parent them, but I really have no idea what it would be like to parent a “normal” child. I’m sure they have their own problems. I see so many people filled with guilt and regret over their autistic child and some even go so far as to wish their child had died or had cancer instead… Something I don’t think I can ever understand…

      1. kinneret

        How awful for people to think like that. They don’t deserve to have their children because no child doesn’t deserve to unloved or unwanted. It can be tough for extreme cases of autism, though, I know. I have a friend whose son is extremely impaired by autism. She has really had to struggle to bring him up. (eg I have been there, seen violent tantrums and she has sued the school district many times). But they have done so much with him through costly private lessons (he sings, can play the piano, is talking a little bit). He has a heart of gold. He came and visited my 5-year old in the hospital.

      2. Joan Post author

        Yeah, the more severe it is the harder it is for the parents. We know people with severely autistic children (one of which is over 30 but he has Downs as well, and is deaf, and has the mentality of a 12 yr old). Unfortunately this mindset comes with any severe disability.
        I’ve known a few people with Downs syndrome and they can be the sweetest people (I have met a few who were jerks…) yet it can be such a difficult thing for the parents to deal with, abortion is often talked about.
        Life can be so depressing sometimes.

        My eldest is going to be 4 this year and he still has violent meltdowns. Sometimes I have to cancel plans because of them and many times I’ve had to walk out of the story carrying him kicking and screaming, which is hard with my 2 yr old. But even as difficult as he can be, I can’t wish death or cancer on him. I just wish I could help make his life easier.
        I guess that’s because I know how frustrating it is… maybe that’s why some people wish death on their kids, because they just can’t relate, they have no idea how frustrating it is to have communication problems, the child is like an alien to them and so their thoughts are on themselves. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt like a complete alien separated from the humans by a thick glass wall, and no matter how many times I pound on it, they can’t hear me, or they refuse to hear me.

      3. kinneret

        Joan, have you read Philip K Dick’s book, Why Do Androids Dream of Sheep? The basis for the Bladerunner movie, and a masterpiece in its own right. All about the conflict between humans and replicants (robots who look like humans and even have feelings and implanted memories, which is coming more true today due to Japanese humanoids). It really could be a metaphor for the hostility that “neuronormal” people treat anyone on the spectrum or with mental illnesses/disorders with.

      4. Joan Post author

        I do remember that book, but it’s been years. It’s really good, but when I read it, I thought I wasn’t on the spectrum. Which is funny, because I read the book The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time around the same time and I related so well with the character who is portrayed as being on the spectrum (though they don’t specifically say it).

      5. kinneret

        Gee I don’t know that one. will have to read it w my son.thanks for the recokmmend. well i have been reading the man in the high castle by dick and it is phenomenal. similar themes, the outsider from society and toltalitarianism and its effects on thought and identity.

      6. kinneret

        in regard to the meltdowns, you probably are aware of this, but I suppose you avoid the triggers or maybe record them? My ASD child would have absolute fit but it was generally caused by things I was able to avoid (circuses, birthday parties, fairs). He couldn’t stand being around fluid social situations with children his age.

      7. Joan Post author

        Most of the time I can figure out his triggers, but sometimes I have no idea. A sudden change of schedule drives him insane, so nothing spontaneous unless it’s meeting with grandparents. Birthday parties… he can last a little while, maybe an hour, but he usually just stares at the balloons… Being around other kids for long periods of time is just too much.

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