It keeps running through my head on how much around the house is my responsibility versus my husband’s. He works full time, sometimes leaving the house by 6 am and not getting home until 8 pm, depending on the day and activities. Recently, he wasn’t able to get home until after 10. He’s also going to school for his Master’s, taking one to two classes at a time online, though this next class he’ll be driving an hour and a half away immediately after work and not getting home until around 11. At least it’s only once a week.
So obviously he’s busy and needs what help he can. It’s frustrating for both of us. Even while starting this post, I got a text from him saying he needed me to bring him something that he’d forgotten. I don’t mind helping, and I usually don’t tell him any of the stress that comes with it, like how I have to get my three yr old and two yr old to cooperate with the sudden “have to leave now to get daddy his stuff” because my husband usually only realizes he forgot something right before he needs it. My three yr old doesn’t do well with sudden schedule changes and sometimes he’ll have a meltdown. Thankfully today wasn’t too bad, I had just taken the chicken from the oven and was letting it cool when I got the text. Some days I have to pick up pizza and snack foods for meetings, or one night I had to go to four different stores to find specific prizes, but one of the stores was closed by the time I got there so I had to go in the morning. I swear his work needs to start paying me.
But around the house, I do pretty much everything. We kind of share feeding the dogs, but I do the dishes, laundry, general house upkeep, finances, everything with the kids, shopping, yard work, general repairs, mail, all the meals, and take commissions to bring in extra money. I’ve been sick since December, and can’t seem to get better, but I can’t slow down any more than I have. Stress has never been good for people who are sick, but being a mom and a wife in charge of keeping everything together, I really just can’t slow down. I wish I knew how to get rid of stress without locking myself in solitary confinement for a few weeks. I do not need to go to a mental institution because I pushed myself too far.
The sleep deprivation isn’t helping much either… Something always wakes me up in the night, more often than not it’s a crying toddler. I don’t get rest. My dreams certainly keep me busy. Last night There was this girl from a large family and she and I were going to go down into this old tomb but I found out her family was drugging her to make her want to go outside so they could trap us in the tomb and kill us… There was a bunch of running around holding chickens that we called turkeys and I remarked how similar to griffins they were… It was exhausting. The other day I let the kids run around the back yard and just laid down on the ground, unable to do anything else.
Far too tired… I need to go finish laundry, dishes, and do dinner by 5:30 and then I have an appointment at 7 I need to leave by 6:15 to get to… I have an hour and a half. My husband needs a new job, soon…