Tag Archives: discrimination

Self exploration through writing

On the way home from the store tonight, I was thinking about how most characters in books have certain virtues and talents that get them through life and hard times, such as being courageous or have a great voice (like in the book Fairest), or how many fairy tales the princess has to be beautiful and that’s what helps her, while the men are strong and brave, and don’t back down, they don’t give up. Steadfast.

So I was thinking about my characters. Since I started my writing exercises last year, I’ve focused mainly on one character, and though I do have others, they’re pretty similar. And, well, they’re similar to me, because I have a hard time writing outside of my personal experience. I can write characters that already exist, or base a character off a real person, but since my writing exercises are for me alone as a form of therapy, my characters take on traits I either see in myself or wish I had. When I write these characters down, and look at the story from afar, I can see things so much clearer than when they’re in my head, when I’m examining myself. I have to step outside of myself in order to see me better.

Claire is definitely not perfect. She has anxiety and depression, feelings of worthlessness and the strong overwhelming desire to be worth something. And in her desire to help in any way she can, she’s also afraid of messing things up, which in turn can mess things up. I noticed she has a strong maternal instinct, she has the desire to protect and to care for others, even if she doesn’t know them. She’s a nurse and a fighter, tending to the wounded after fighting a battle. She’s also practical to a fault, one some might call a “stick in the mud.” I don’t get to test out my prowess on a battlefield (and I’m sure I’d be bad at it), but I do know I’m good at taking care of people. It’s like some sort of auto-pilot comes on and I just go…

I do have a strong urge to protect people, and to help them, and to make their lives better in any way I can. I don’t know why, it’s just how I am, despite that I pretty much don’t trust anyone and am constantly on my guard. And as strange as it is, I’m loyal to a fault as well. Those people who have hurt me over the years, the people who have backstabbed me and betrayed me… I have continued to keep whatever secrets they may have told me, and I refuse to go on my public scenes to complain about them, and even here, I don’t mention names. I guess in a way, I don’t even hold it against them, really. I can still be civil with them, even if I can never trust them again. If someone else is fine with them, who am I to besmirch their name? What happened was between them and myself, no one else. I think there are maybe two or three people who I have told anything to over the years, and I’ve told them because I know they won’t say anything to anyone else and they won’t seek out any sort of payback for me. I do not need anyone attacking anyone else because I said something.

And as weird as it is, I would still help those who have hurt me. If I had the means and they needed my help, I would help them. That’s just how my family is. I can’t imagine being any different. And it shows in my characters a lot. They’re lonely, protective, desperate to be worth something, and willing to sacrifice themselves for the good of others. They are not heroes, they are in the background helping the heroes. They don’t want attention and if they can help anonymously, they will, because just the knowledge that someone might be happier, even just for a moment, because of something they did, it’s worth it. Even if it’s just smiling at someone who looks like they’re having a bad day or buying someone a coffee, or even just leaving a piece of artwork for someone to pick up.

I want to make the world a better place, I want to help people in any way that I can, and what better way than to go out into the world and touch people’s lives? It would be better if I wasn’t so… anti-social and socially awkward, and an outsider. Even if society deems me to be a freak and unfit to join their ranks, even if they bully me, and people like me, I will continue to do what I can to help others. I think that because there is so much pain even here in the states, that’s more reason for me to go do things to help out. I know the states has it easy compared to many, many other countries, but this is where I am, and where I can do the most good for now.



There’s a lady on talking to me right now and I have no idea what she’s meaning. It feels like she’s trying to tell me to stop talking about how being bullies isn’t helping anything… I know my posts tend to be long but they should be straightforward… I thought that my post would be taken as a “Don’t be a hypocrite and bullying is bad.” But people are commenting all sorts of other things on it that go deep into philosophy, and then this lady PM’d me and has just now blocked me because she apparently doesn’t agree with me? I don’t know… it doesn’t make sense to me.

I *know* not every person fighting for equality is the same as these extremist SJWs. I know not every feminist is a man hating person. I am complaining about the people who ARE. Why is that wrong??

Edited to say that despite saying she appreciates things about me and thinks I’m a good person, the lady who blocked me was afraid I was going to screenshot her and send the screenshots to my supposed MRA groups, groups for reverse racism (I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised those exist), and groups to make fun of liberals.

#1, I have never been, nor will I ever be, in groups like that ever again. I was in Sanctimommy Said What and I saw what kind of a shit hole that turned into with everyone turning on each other… And then when that other group turned on me, I just quit groups altogether except things that post pictures of cute fluffy things. I’m done with groups.

#2, I don’t side with anyone except those who strive for equality between everyone. If everyone is too busy bitching about how bad they have it, they can’t see the solutions. I don’t want to make fun of people, I just apparently have a poor way of trying to show flaws in all extremist thinking. I want to figure out why people think the way they do, and I am such a stickler for as much honesty as I can that maybe it makes me seem… I don’t know… I pick on all sides, but sometimes I guess it seems more one sided? I don’t know. I just hate that the people I thought were on my side are just as bad, if not worse, than the people they claim to hate.

If someone on my newsfeed posts something incorrect, I can’t really scroll by. If I see it enough, I’ll make a post about it. Maybe it’s more a reflection of what people post? o.O

Maybe I should just become a hermit and say screw the world, let it burn. Why should I even try to make a difference if no side will have me?

Those closest hurt you the most

Recently, I followed my brother onto this facebook page where this guy posted a comic depicting a man and a woman, and she give him her number, and as they walk away, the man is thinking, “I hope she didn’t give me a wrong number.” While the woman is thinking, “I hope he doesn’t rape and murder me.” Below that was written, “Today on “We’re Past All That” a critical examination of how men are really hurt when women don’t trust them and how it’s important that we really consider those feelings.”

My brother started commenting against the comments claiming that men are rapists and are not to be trusted, and then I joined in, because this is a completely unfair assessment that only damages any kind of equality we’re trying for. My brother stated that the comic was an unfair example, and that a better thing for the man to be thinking would be “I hope she doesn’t falsely accuse me of rape.” My brother has spent the past 6 years having to deal with the repercussions of that.

We were called rape apologists for saying that most men don’t rape, and that saying it’s fine to mistrust men is the same as saying it’s fine to mistrust black people. Neither one is ok. They claimed we were trying to dismiss women’s experiences by saying that not all men rape… even though it’s more like 5% of the population that does. 5% is not most, it is a mere fraction. Why should millions of men be accused in the minds of women of something they will never do?

It builds up a barrier, something we’ve been trying to tear down. It sets us back, and the people who claim that no man is to be trusted are just trying to raise up a new power in place of the old. No one group should ever be in charge, nothing will ever get better that way.

And of course my brother and I got banned, and then my mom sent me a screenshot showing me that my cousin apologized for our behavior… Great. How sweet. Apologizing for our behavior, knowing exactly what we’ve been through? Our position is as valid as theirs, but we were apparently invading a “safe space,” which happens to be a public page. PUBLIC. Safe places are private. Technically, there are no safe places… just look at what happened to me last year…

This is why I trust no one. I just didn’t expect it from family, especially the cousin I’m closest with.

Preconceived Notions

If I told you about a someone who grew up constantly harassed due to skin color, bullied at school not only by the other students but by teachers all the way through even college, held at gun point because of skin color, what would your first perception be?

Would it be a girl with milky white skin?

Racism is bad. It doesn’t matter who is doing it, it needs to stop. Just because someone’s skin is white doesn’t mean they deserve to experience racism. And even if you feel like that, there are a lot of white skinned folk whose ancestors had nothing to do with slavery in the US. Aside from the Irish who came over from the attempted genocide by England in the potato famine (it was a genocide of convenience, rather than deliberate, and when they got to the US they were treated like dogs) what about the Slavic peoples? They make up over 667,000,000 people on this planet and there’s a large community of Ukrainians where I am. They end up getting hit from all sides, being told to go back to their own country, being spat on for being white because all white people are evil…

I know I don’t have all the answers, I know I fall and make mistakes. I hope people will hold me accountable when I do. We need that. We need equality. We need people to stop treating people based on preconceived notions. For some people, dressing in a suit isn’t enough, they’re still seen as a lesser being.

People need to stop being dicks.


Segregation: The action or state of setting someone or something apart from other people or things or being set apart.

I keep seeing people say things like, “Because you’re not _____, you can’t talk about it.”
Really? What good does it do to segregate ourselves like this? How does that provide any good discussion if people can only talk about what they are, unless they’re the “privileged” ones? If you’re privileged, then the people who aren’t can talk about you and you have no say in anything because you’re privileged.
How does that invite growth in our society? And heaven help you if you don’t “recognize your privilege.” Is this another one of those statements that just automatically negates anything a privileged person says? I have seen people have their words twisted because the others thought they were privileged and didn’t understand their own privilege. What are we trying to do, continue to make victims? I don’t understand it at all. Are we not allowed to have any white male role models for everyone because they’re privileged and can’t speak for anyone but themselves?

My brother is a white male with autism. Throughout his entire life, he has been accused of things he didn’t do. He has been pulled over by the cops and harassed. I saw it happen. He was falsely accused of something and spent time in jail for it, all because this guy didn’t want to pay my brother for a job he did. My brother has been ostracized for being weird and too smart. He has been ostracized because he won’t follow societal norms. But because he’s a white male, he has “privilege” and cannot say anything to someone of color because he’s not black and is the “oppressor”. He can’t talk to women because, being a white male, he is still the oppressor, even if he experiences discrimination daily.

Discrimination is wrong, no matter what your race. No matter what your gender, your sexual preference, or what you look like. By labeling, you are segregating. What happens when you have someone who is a mix but looks white? Because they look white, they automatically have privilege, but if they more associate with their black or Asian or whatever side, they get grief from that as well. Heaven forbid a man wants to wear pink boots and date women.

We need to stop labeling people who don’t want to be labeled. We need to stop segregating. We need to stop discriminating against people because of preconceived notions, looks, race, mental status, age, whatever. It only serves to build barriers, not bring us together. We need to understand that everyone has problems, on an individual level. Just because someone is one thing doesn’t mean they don’t experience discrimination or pain or suffering. What happened to empathy and compassion?


It just occurred to me that many times my views on equality have been called racist or discriminatory.

Do you know what my views are? That everyone, every single person on earth, should be treated the same.

Rich or poor, tattoos or not, no matter skin color or ethnicity, sexual preference, or where you live, what you wear, what your religious or political views are, what your intelligence is, whatever mental status you are, or what color your eyes are or how famous you are… Everyone’s feelings should be considered. If you run a red light, you need to face the consequences, and the consequences should be the same for everyone. Steal, rob, lie, murder… it should be the same. If you get pulled over, you should never be treated differently based on looks or what car you drive, or anything.

I hate unfairness, injustice, and preferential treatment. We’re all humans, we’re all fallible. There is no one person above another. From that homeless bum on the street to Robin Williams. People discriminate and hate on things all the time. They want to feel special, they want to be raised above others, they desire power, don’t they. They want to be right. Who would want to be wrong?

Am I discriminating by not discriminating?
Am I silly for wanting this kind of equality? Why is it something that seems to confuse people?
Why can’t I figure out why people don’t like it? Do they crave being special so much more than peace and true equality? Or is it something else I can’t see? I desire to learn and grow.