Tag Archives: hurt

Those closest hurt you the most

Recently, I followed my brother onto this facebook page where this guy posted a comic depicting a man and a woman, and she give him her number, and as they walk away, the man is thinking, “I hope she didn’t give me a wrong number.” While the woman is thinking, “I hope he doesn’t rape and murder me.” Below that was written, “Today on “We’re Past All That” a critical examination of how men are really hurt when women don’t trust them and how it’s important that we really consider those feelings.”

My brother started commenting against the comments claiming that men are rapists and are not to be trusted, and then I joined in, because this is a completely unfair assessment that only damages any kind of equality we’re trying for. My brother stated that the comic was an unfair example, and that a better thing for the man to be thinking would be “I hope she doesn’t falsely accuse me of rape.” My brother has spent the past 6 years having to deal with the repercussions of that.

We were called rape apologists for saying that most men don’t rape, and that saying it’s fine to mistrust men is the same as saying it’s fine to mistrust black people. Neither one is ok. They claimed we were trying to dismiss women’s experiences by saying that not all men rape… even though it’s more like 5% of the population that does. 5% is not most, it is a mere fraction. Why should millions of men be accused in the minds of women of something they will never do?

It builds up a barrier, something we’ve been trying to tear down. It sets us back, and the people who claim that no man is to be trusted are just trying to raise up a new power in place of the old. No one group should ever be in charge, nothing will ever get better that way.

And of course my brother and I got banned, and then my mom sent me a screenshot showing me that my cousin apologized for our behavior… Great. How sweet. Apologizing for our behavior, knowing exactly what we’ve been through? Our position is as valid as theirs, but we were apparently invading a “safe space,” which happens to be a public page. PUBLIC. Safe places are private. Technically, there are no safe places… just look at what happened to me last year…

This is why I trust no one. I just didn’t expect it from family, especially the cousin I’m closest with.

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Mother’s Day

First off, I want to wish everyone a Happy Mother’s Day. I know for a lot of mothers, it ends up not as planned, but I can hope.

I would have been fine if my husband had said he’d be too busy with homework to do Mother’s Day. But no, he had to go and say he wanted to do something special with me, then later mentioned how he needed to go get me something. Then today happened and I’m just trying to figure it out. I can’t find any excuse.

Instead of doing his homework, my husband played video games almost all day. When he wasn’t on the game, he was watching tv and playing on facebook, and even got a two hour nap in. I worked really hard today, weeding the yard, tending the kids, doing dishes, laundry, making food, getting HIS mother’s present ready, etc… I have to say by the end of the day my mood has soured a lot, and my mom starts asking if she needs to kidnap me for the day. 

So I asked my husband what we were doing for Mother’s Day. He said, “I need to do homework all day.” Then I said, “then mom’s going to come kidnap me.”

He replied, “so that means your going to leave the kids here, with me, so I can’t get any work done.”

Am I right to be hurt and angry? It feels like a big slap in the face, like he’s the only one who matters, his needs and wants, him him him. Why would he tell me he wanted to do something special and then dick around all day and decide homework is more important? I don’t know what to do or say. I don’t want to talk to him. I’m afraid I’ll say the wrong thing, but what is the wrong thing?